Letters to a Wife and Mother
1. Putting up with Ourselves
Dear Francis de Sales,
I am trying very hard to lead a good life but I find it very difficult. I made some resolutions but I don’t seem to be able to live up to them all the time. I get annoyed so easily. This worries me as I feel I’m not getting very far. Will you help me?
Yours sincerely,
Mrs. A. Christine
Dear Mrs. Christine,
Your first letter to me was most encouraging – a good start to our correspondence about the spiritual life. Together we shall aim at developing God’s kingdom in our hearts. May he inspire me to give you the advice you need!
You can’t be mistress of your soul straightaway, or have it firmly under your control at the very outset. Be satisfied with occasionally slightly gaining the upper hand in dealing with your unruly passion.
We have to put up with other people; first of all, however, we must put up with ourselves and patiently accept our imperfection. Are we bent on reaching the state of interior peace without experiencing the normal trials and setbacks?
Try to begin each day in a tranquil frame of mind, your soul at peace. Keep on coming back to it all through the day; keep on starting afresh. Don’t be upset if you happen to get annoyed. Don’t worry about it; calmly humbling yourself before God, try to recapture your peace of soul.
“I have made a mistake,” tell yourself, “I must be more careful now and act quite gently in future.” Always do this no matter how often you fall.
When you are at peace inside, don’t miss the chance of being as calm and gentle as you can, however small the opportunities. Our Lord has told us that he who is faithful over little things will have great things committed to his charge.
Above all, never lose your heart. God, I’m sure, will take you by the hand. If he lets you stumble occasionally it is only to show you that you could never keep your feet at all without his support, and to make you grasp his hand more tightly.
God be with you; may you always be completely his. I am in him.
Your very devoted servant,
Francis de Sales
(Source: Annecy, 8 April 1608. Annecy Edition, XIV, 1- 3)
2. A Sense of Proportion
Dear Francis de Sales,
Thank you for answering my letter; your advice was a great help. I’ve been trying to begin each day in a peaceful frame of mind, as you suggest. It does make a great difference; I feel better for it already. But, although I try hard, I still make a lot of mistakes. I hope you will continue to help me.
Yours sincerely,
Mrs. A. Christine
Dear Mrs. Christine,
I’m delighted to see from your letter that our Lord has given you a little taste of that peace of soul. With the help of his grace, we must try to preserve it amid the pressure of the many activities demanded by our state in life.
I have high hopes for you. I’ve gained the impression that you have a deeply-rooted resolve to serve God, and it makes me confident that you will be faithful to your spiritual exercises.
Don’t be surprised at your many failures; they come from human frailty. Deeply regret the fact that you have offended God, but cultivate that cheerful humility which is perfectly willing to feel and accept the weakness of human nature.
As often as you can throughout the day make sure that you don’t become too deeply engrossed in what you are doing and so lose your sense of proportion; make sure, too, that you have one hand firmly in the grasp of our blessed Lord.
If you find that you’re slipping, calm yourself; try to regain your peace of soul. Imagine that you are quietly working with one hand, while holding on to our Lord with the other, as our blessed Lady must so often have done during his childhood. How recollected she must have been!
When you are at peace inside, increase your efforts to meet things calmly and gently. In this way you’ll train yourself to become serene and self-possessed.
Don’t stop to argue with the little temptations you may meet. Simply turn to Jesus crucified as though you were about to imprint a loving kiss upon his sacred feet or side.
With great goodwill I devote myself to your spiritual service. For the future your soul will be as dear to me as my own. May our Lord be ever the Master of our hearts, as I am in him.
Your servant,
Francis de Sales
(Source: Annecy, April-May 1608. Annecy Edition, XIV, 7- 8)
3. The Distractions of a Busy Life
Dear Francis de Sales,
Since receiving your last letter I’ve been trying to do my work close to our blessed Lord. I want to do everything well for his sake. But life is so full and there is such a lot to attend to that I find it difficult to keep calm and not let things get on top of me.
Yours sincerely,
Mrs. A. Christine
Dear Mrs. Christine,
The constant pressure of affairs is indeed a continual martyrdom. Our daily duties are so many and so mixed that they always seem harder than they really are.
You need patience. God will give it to you, I’m sure, if you persevere in asking him for it and constantly strive to practise it.
For success in your work, don’t rely on your own ability, but on God’s help. Rest in his care for you, confident that he will arrange everything for the best as long as you apply yourself steadily but calmly to the work in hand.
I mention steadiness and calmness, because impetuous activity is harmful to our work and our souls. It is not genuine activity at all, but merely turmoil and excitability.
Soon we shall be living in eternity, conscious then of the insignificance of our worldly occupations, and how little it mattered whether some things were done or not. Yet we are fussy about them now as if they were all-important.
How eagerly we used to collect pieces of broken tile, bits of wood and handfuls of clay when we were little children, to build houses and make little boats! And if anyone destroyed these things, how upset and tearful we were!
We realise now the insignificance of it all and how little it mattered. It will be the same in heaven one day; we shall see the childishness of our attachment to the things of this world.
I’m not suggesting that we should have no concern at all for the trifling details of our daily lives; God has provided these things as part of our training. But I think we ought to moderate the feverishness of our concern.
Let us indulge in our child’s play, since we are children; but let us beware of being completely absorbed by it. If our little houses are knocked over and our plans spoiled, let us not be too distressed.
When night falls and we need a roof over our heads – when it’s time to die, I mean – these little houses of ours will be totally unsuitable. It is in our Father’s house that we are to find shelter.
Attend faithfully to all your duties, but remember that your most important duty of all is the ensuring of your eternal salvation by growth in holiness.
Be patient with everyone, but above all with yourself. Don’t be disturbed, I mean, because of your imperfections; always have the courage to get up again after you falls. I’m very glad you make a fresh start every day. There’s no better way of reaching perfection in the spiritual life than to be always beginning afresh, never thinking that we have done enough.
I pray that God may fill you with his love. Amen. I am.
Your very humble servant,
Francis de Sales
(Source: Annecy, 19 May 1608. Annecy Edition, XIV, 21-23)
4. Combining Frailty with Fidelity
Dear Francis de Sales,
Please forgive me bothering you with my letters, but it helps sometimes just to mention my difficulties. I am still worried about my failings. Although I go regularly to Church and say my prayers every day, I still find it a struggle to be good. I’ve tried telling myself that I ought to be ashamed of my weakness, but it doesn’t help very much.
Yours sincerely,
Mrs. A. Christine
Dear Mrs. Christine,
Whenever you feel that writing to me will help you in any way I really want you to do so quite confidently.
There are two things we should combine: a genuine attempt at exact observance of all the practices of the spiritual life and an effort to remain unruffled by our occasional lapses.
The genuineness of the attempt depends on our fidelity, which should always be unshakable and growing constantly stronger. The lapses are the result of human frailty, which it is impossible to escape in this life.
When faults occur we should ask ourselves whether our resolve to serve God is still whole-hearted and sincere. I hope that we shall be able to give a reassuring answer, determined to suffer a thousand deaths rather than break our resolution.
But let us question ourselves further: “Why, then, have we fallen now? Why are we so fainthearted?” ”For some unknown reason,” will come our answer, “we have been surprised; and now we are weighed down like this.”
We must forgive ourselves. We did not fail through infidelity, but through frailty. We need to correct ourselves gently and calmly, and not be annoyed or perplexed with ourselves any longer.
“Well now,” we ought to say, “in God’s name let us take heart and continue carefully on our way, lifting hp our minds and hearts to God, our refuge and our help.”
We must deal very kindly with our souls, and never scold them as long as it is obvious that they’ve been taken unawares. In doing this, you see, we shall be practising humility.
Working out our salvation is our way of serving God; after all, it was all our Lord did during his earthly life. Don’t be in a hurry to fight but await the struggle with calm assurance.
May our Lord be your strength. I am in him.
Your devoted Servant,
Francis de Sales
(Source: Annecy, 28 May 1608. Annecy Edition. XIV, 26-27)
5. In Moments of Melancholy
Dear Francis de Sales,
This will be only a short letter to let you know that I am going to have a child. It’s strange, but I’m happy and apprehensive at the same time. Please pray for me.
Yours sincerely,
Mrs. A. Christine
Dear Mrs. Christine,
I’ve no time to spare for a proper reply. Still, I want to sent a line just to let you know that I pray for you every day, and with particular affection, asking our Lord to comfort you in the trials of your pregnancy.
I fancy, you see, that you will be troubled by moods of depression arising from your condition; but please don’t let them worry or upset you. If you feel depressed and melancholy, don’t let it disturb your peace of soul.
Even though there seems to be no meaning, life or pleasure in anything you do, continue to kiss your crucifix; with all your love give our Lord your mind and your heart, cold and faint as they are.
Blessed Angela of Foligno describes a revelation in which our Lord told her that nothing pleases him more than the good we have to make ourselves do. In other words, anyone who has really made a good resolution to serve God will do so in spite of physical weariness, and also in times of sadness and interior darkness.
What happiness will be yours when these crosses come if you are faithful to the promises you made to him, whose love for you was so faithful that it “brought him to death, death on a cross”!
Stay close to Jesus. Live in him and for him, who has made me.
Your devoted servant,
Francis de Sales
(Source: Annecy, 13 July 1608. Annecy Edition, XIV, 51-52)
6. The Right Use of Mortification
Dear Francis de Sales,
The promise of your prayers was a great comfort. I don’t feel able to make very much effort these days with my prayers. I’m afraid my pregnancy is upsetting everything. I don’t seem to be able to do much for God at the moment, though I’m trying to preserve my peace of soul.
Yours sincerely,
Mrs. A. Christine
Dear Mrs. Christine,
It is essential to cultivate peace of soul before anything else, not because of the contentment it affords but because it results from the love of God and the submission to him of our wills. Opportunities of practising it present themselves every day.
There’s never any lack of contradictions, wherever we are; and when nobody else provides them, we make them for ourselves.
How holy and pleasing to God we should be if we knew how to use properly the occasions of mortification our state in life affords. They certainly exceed those to be found in the religious life. Unfortunately we don’t take as much advantage of them.
Take every possible care of yourself in this pregnancy. You must on no account try to force yourself beyond your strength, but be reasonable. If it tires you to kneel, sit down. If you can’t pray for half an hour, just pray for a quarter or even only five minutes.
Place yourself in the presence of God and in his presence bear your pains. Don’t try to avoid complaining; only do it to him, as a little child would to its mother. If it’s done lovingly, there’s no harm in complaining, nor in begging for a cure, nor in changing position, nor in obtaining relief. Just do these things lovingly and leave yourself in the arms of God’s will.
Don’t worry if your attempts to please God seem lifeless. They’re none the less good, as I’ve already told you, for being made in a feeble, weary, almost half-hearted way.
You can only give God what you have; and in a time of distress like this, this is all you have to give.
Isaiah describes our Lord as “bowed with misery and no stranger to weakness.” He loves sorrow and those who suffer it. Don’t fret over doing a great deal; just try to suffer lovingly whatever comes.
In weakness, “in life and death, we belong to the Lord”; with the help of his grace nothing “will be able to separate us from the love of God, which comes to us in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
We must have no other life than in him and for him; then God will comfort our heart, God will be eternally our inheritance.
I will never cease to beg this of him, nor to be sincerely in him,
Your devoted servant,
Francis de Sales
(Source: Annecy, 16 July 1608. Annecy Edition, XIV, 53-54)
7. A Happy Frame of Mind
Dear Francis de Sales,
I don’t seem to be of much use to anything or anybody these days. There’s no life in my prayers and no strength in my efforts to be good. In my present state of health everything seems more difficult than ever. Is there anything I can do to get a little closer to God?
Yours sincerely,
Mrs. A. Christine
Dear Mrs. Christine,
Foster in your soul a loving trust in God. Even when you’re surrounded by trials and imperfections lift up your heart in complete confidence. Be very humble; humility, when it is enthusiastic and yet free from all agitation, is greater than all other virtues.
Serve our dear Master faithfully. Serve him with the living spontaneity of a child, never giving way to discouragement. Let your efforts to please God breed in you a happy frame of mind. This will unobtrusively colour everything you say and do, and be a great help to those around you. They’ll praise God for you, and his glory is all we seek.
Since you are unable to attempt any bodily austerities (and we agreed that you shouldn’t even think of doing so), just keep yourself in our Lord’s presence and try hard to please him in everything you do. Life brings with it many sufferings; use them to show your love for him. In this way God will take complete possession of you and will give you the grace of one day possessing him for ever.
All my life this will be my aim and prayer for your, and I shall be every with all my heart
Your devoted servant,
Francis de Sales
(Source: Annecy, August 1608. Annecy Edition, XIV, 57)
8. The Perfection of Motherhood
Dear Francis de Sales,
I thought you would like to know that my little girl is now two months old and as good as gold. I am able to feed her myself and this makes me very happy. Please pray for us both.
Yours sincerely,
Mrs. A. Christine
Dear Mrs. Christine,
Thank God that you are enjoying the perfection (shall we call it the “vintage”?) of motherhood’s fruitfulness and can nourish your baby on the wine of life. “wine cannot ravish the senses like that embrace, nor the fragrance of rare perfume match it for delight,” murmurs the bride to her divine Bridegroom in the Song of Songs.
The Heart of our Lord, the Lover of our souls, is filled with ardent longing for our salvation. He embraces us with his grace and his promise. His grace flows into our souls hour by hour, minute by minute; we cannot fail to be aware of this, if only we stop and think.
His promise is the promise of eternal life. With his grace he feeds our love; with his promise he feeds our hope. In our Saviour’s embrace we are nourished and contented like children at their mother’s breast, an embrace more ravishing than wine.
Wine is normally made by pressing the juice from grapes. The wine of the spirit is made by pressing out God’s grace and his promise. We press out God’s grace by frequent fervent ejaculatory prayers. We press out his promise by increasing our acts of charity. These acts condition the fulfilment of that promise, for he wills ay at the judgement: “I was sick, and you cared for me.”
“Everything must be done by turns.” In both the natural and the spiritual order wine is produced by pressure. This pressure, to be effective, needs to be unhurried and gentle, not restless and violent. We are to be careful but not anxious.
The Heart of Christ was pierced on the cross. That cross was a twisted branch, but a fruitful one. It bore only one bunch of grapes, but no amount of others could equal it. The saints have never come to the end of the supply of graces and virtues which flowed from the Heart of the world’s Redeemer.
I hope you will be able to feed your child well and happily. May you find in the natural vintage a stepping-stone to the spiritual. St. Francis of Assisi loved lambs and sheep because they reminded him of his Saviour. You ought to love your natural fruitfulness in feeding your child, not only because your care in this symbolises the answer to the request we make each day for our daily bread, but more so because it prepares you for the fruitfulness of the spirit.
God be with you. Be happy, since you have given yourself to God who is our eternal happiness. He wants to live and reign in our hearts for ever. I am in him and through him,
Your faithful servant,
Francis de Sales
(Source: Annecy, 12 October 1608. Annecy Edition, XIV, 77-79)
9. A Gift From God
Dear Francis de Sales,
I am trying very hard to keep my soul at peace. I am trying not to let things worry me, but to leave everything in God’s hands. I still seem to have a lot of faults and so need your help very badly. Often in my prayers I try to sort our my difficulties and make a note of the things I must tell you.
Yours sincerely,
Mrs. A. Christine
Dear Mrs. Christine,
Your indifference to the outcome of your affairs has my whole-hearted approval. You are seeing God’s will in everything that happens.
I don’t like people who care for nothing and remain unmoved by anything that happens. They do so only form a lack of energy or character, or because of contempt for good as well as evil. But those people who remain indifferent because they have given themselves over entirely to the will of God should thank him for this, for it is a great gift.
I could express all this so much better by word of mouth than on paper, but I think you will understand what I am trying to say.
To spend your prayer time deciding what you are going to tell me about the state of your soul is undoubtedly a temptation. Still, don’t fight against these thoughts, but quite gently turn your mind away from them by directing it once more to the object of your prayer.
Keep your heart full of love, a love that is peaceful and serene. Look at your own faults as you would those of others. Be compassionate rather than indignant; be humble rather than severe with yourself.
May God be in your heart and deign to set it afire with his love. He, it is, who has made me ever
Your devoted servant,
Francis de Sales
(Source: Annecy, 28 October 1608. Annecy Edition, XIV, 81-82)
10. One Thing at a Time
Dear Francis de Sales,
I do wish I could talk to you, instead of having to write. I don’t seem to be able to explain myself properly in a letter. I’m so worried at the moment because I feel heavy and tired these days.
I feel I can’t make much effort, and the thought of death frightens me, because I don’t think I’m doing as much as I could and my failings seem to be getting worse.
I wish I could get away from my house-work for good, then I could really take myself in hand. Please pray for me.
Yours sincerely,
Mrs. A. Christine
Dear Mrs. Christine,
Of course you would be able to explain yourself more freely and clearly if your could talk to me than you can by letter. However, until God allows us to meet we must use the only way left to us.
You can’t help being wearied by your bodily weaknesses, the lethargy and languid numbness which you feel. There’s nothing to be afraid of, however, as long as you are firmly resolved to serve God.
After all, these are only natural imperfections, diseases rather than sins. Still, you must try to be as brave and as spiritually active as you can.
Death is certainly a grim thought. But surely the life beyond, which God in his mercy will give us, surely that life is worth it.
Whatever happens, we must not cease to trust in God. We are weak, it is true, but God’s mercy is far greater than our weakness. He is merciful to those who want to love him and have put their trust in him.
When St. Charles Borromeo was dying he asked to be given a crucifix so that the contemplation of his Saviour’s death might soften the terrors of his own. The best of all remedies for the fear of death is the thought of him who is our life. We ought never to think of the one without the other.
Don’t worry yourself as to whether what you are doing is little or much, good or bad, as long as it is not sinful and that you are tying to do it for God.
Try to do everything as well as you possibly can. When you have done one thing, forget about it and concentrate on the next. Go our Lord’s way quite simply and don’t upset your peace of soul.
We must detest our faults, but we should do so quietly and calmly, not irritably and anxiously. We must learn to have patience to put up with the sight of them and let them teach us the lesson of humility.
By being so acutely conscious of your imperfections, you will be even more acutely worried about them. In this way they will grow stronger, for nothing is more favourable to growth of weeds in our souls than our agitated efforts to remove them.
To be depressed because one is fed up with the world is a great temptation as long as one is bound to remain there. God’s providence is wiser than we are. We fancy that if we changed our state in life we should do better. Possibly, if wee changed ourselves!
I am the sworn enemy of such desires; they are useless, dangerous and bad. Even though what we desire may be good, the desire itself is bad, since God wants us to do our best where we are and not where we would like to be.
God wants to speak to us from the thorn bush, as he did to Moses; we want him to speak in the whisper of a gentle breeze, as he did to Elijah.
May God have you ever in his safe keeping. Be faithful; keep your courage high; and rejoice that he has given you the grace to want to be entirely his. I am in him
Very devotedly yours,
Francis de Sales
(Source: Annecy, 20 January 1609. Annecy Edition, XIV, 119-121)
11. Throw Yourself into God’s Arms
Dear Francis de Sales,
I do wish I weren’t so useless; I seem fated to upset people. God is so close when I go to Holy Communion, and I often wish I had more opportunities of mortification to prove my love for him.
But when I get home things still seem to go wrong in the house, though it isn’t altogether my fault, and I get awfully annoyed with everybody.
It seems so difficult to keep close to God for long. Perhaps I’ve been too pleased at being able to overcome some of my temptations. I really do want to be good, but it doesn’t seem to work out in practice.
Yours sincerely,
Mrs. A. Christine
Dear Mrs. Christine,
There is no doubt at all that we are to be continually making and renewing our efforts at union with God, until we are finally secure in his embrace.
But I would rather you didn’t long for temptations in your moments of fervour, or for opportunities of mortification. These are never lacking, through God’s grace, and so there’s no need to bother yourself wishing for them.
You’d be better employed in preparing yourself to receive them, not when you’d like them but when God wishes to allow them.
There is no harm in feeling a little satisfaction when with God’s grace we are successful in meeting our temptations, as long as we hold our enthusiasm in check with the virtue of humility.
As to those matters which concern your household rather than yourself, you should try to put them right, provided you are perfectly willing to accept whatever outcome God may ordain for the best.
At all costs avoid complaining, as you do, that you are useless and ill-fated. Not only are such complaints unbecoming in one of God’s servants, but they are the result of being too depressed and a sign not just of impatience but of anger.
You ought to make a special point, you see, of practising meekness and submission to God’s will, not only in out-of-the-way things but chiefly in the little vexations of every day. Prepare yourself for them in the morning, when you say your grace at lunch time, before and after supper, and at night. Make this your chief practice for a while.
All these exercises, however, are to be performed calmly and cheerfully; and if you fall, humble yourself and start again.
It is a good thing to aim at the highest perfection of the Christian life; but do this in a general sort of way and don’t speculate too much about details. Do your best from day to day to improve and make some progress in the various events that each day brings, leaving the fulfilment of your ambition to God’s providence.
Throw yourself into his arms, like a little child who takes the food its father gives it day by day, trusting him to go on supplying the nourishment its growth and appetite require.
Since you derive so much benefit form Holy Communion receive it frequently with great devotion and a pure conscience. Always be cheerful amid your temptations. Don’t seek any other penance at present. Take yourself in hand and try to put up lovingly with your neighbour, and keep your spirits high.
It would be better to die rather than offend God knowingly and deliberately. But if we happen to fall it would be better to lose everything rather than lose our courage, our hope and our resolve to keep on trying. God will turn everything to his glory.
You are God’s; rejoice that you are in his sake keeping. I am, with all my heart
Your faithful servant and friend,
Francis de Sales
(Source: Annecy, February 1609. Annecy Edition, XIV, 121-123)
12. A Constant Challenge
Dear Francis de Sales,
Is it worthwhile trying to be good? Every time I try things seem to go wrong; in fact, they seem worse than when I don’t make any efforts. I was doing my best to help someone the other day, but they seemed to resent it, and ended by putting me in the wrong. I really don’t know where I am or what to do. I used to set my alarm for half an hour before I needed to get up in he mornings, and jump out of bed to say some prayers. Recently I have been sleeping-in until the last minute.
Yours sincerely,
Mrs. A. Christine
Dear Mrs. Christine,
It’s quite obvious that the whole cause of your trouble is a disturbed mind. This is the result of two unsatisfied longings. One of these was a desire to serve God on the occasion in question; the other was a wish to know whether you had done your duty faithfully. It’s your impetuous enthusiasm in both these cases that has made you worried and upset and is responsible for all the trouble.
Now, there’s no doubt at all in my mind that you’ve done your duty properly. Naturally inclined as you are to be exacting, you tend to find your efforts insufficient. For the same reason, since you want to fulfil your obligations and can’t completely convince yourself that you have done so, you’ve become a prey to discouragement and melancholy.
Come now, my child, you must forget all that and cheer up. Humble yourself before our Lord and remember that your sex and state in life don’t allow you to prevent evil around you, except by setting a good example or by simply, humbly and kindly correcting the guilty parties or by bringing he matter to the notice of those in authority over them when that is possible. I’m telling you this for another time.
Let me add, as a general rule, that when we can’t tell whether or not we have done our duty in a particular matter and are afraid we may have offended God, we should humble ourselves, ask his forgiveness and pray for greater light another time. Then we must completely forget what has happened and carry on as usual.
To pry too closely and eagerly into our behaviour, to see whether we have acted rightly, is undoubtedly a sign of self-love. This makes us want to know if we are successful, when true love of God tells us to humble ourselves in God’s mercy, always ask his pardon, renew our promise to be faithful, and go on trying to come closer to him.
I think it’s a good thing not to sleep-in as long as you can in the mornings, except occasionally when you need the rest. You will need to take rather more exercise in place of the sleep, however, so as not to injure your health. It will serve as a tonic to counteract the bodily effects of missing your sleep. In this way you could cut your sleep by as much as an hour (getting up earlier, I mean, not going to bed later), and I’m sure you’d feel better for it.
As regards other austerities, don’t undertake anything out of the ordinary, since your constitution and state in life render them inadvisable.
If you want to acquire virtues, it’s better to practise them when there is most opposition. Don’t be discouraged by the obstacles; treat them as a constant challenge to do your best.
May God be ever our only love, our motive in all we do.
I am entirely yours in him,
Francis de Sales
(Source: Annecy, March 1609. Annecy Edition, XIV, 135-137)
13. Always Something to Do
Dear Francis de Sales,
I’m worried about my dealings with other people. I try to fall in with them, but they don’t do things my way at all. T got so upset the other day at falling out with somebody, and then went and did the same thing again. I’m so cut up about it, because I don’t think other people feel things in quite the same way. They can shrug these thins off; I can’t.
Yours sincerely,
Mrs. A. Christine
Dear Mrs. Christine,
I’ve noticed that you’ve been a bit the worse for wear these last few days owing to the interplay of contrary impulses. You’ve been torn between a desire to give up your own way and a tendency to follow your own particular fancy.
Well, you’ll find that the worst thing you’ve done is to have been so upset at your own stupidity. If you hadn’t been so perturbed the first time you stumbled, but had gently taken yourself in hand, you wouldn’t have fallen a second time.
The best thing you can do now is to take courage and sincerely renew your good resolutions, especially your resolve not to be upset – or at least to sober down as soon as you realise you’re agitated.
You shouldn’t have used the expression “I’m so cut up about it” in the way you did. We must try to be sympathetic towards our neighbour and humble in regard to ourselves, and not too prone to think that other people have all they could wish for, and that we have too little.
I’m afraid we shall always have something to do, always some temptation to resist. Don’t be surprised, then. When you are harassed by such evil inclinations, think of our Lord on the cross. “My sweet Lord,” you could pray, “calm my heart through the meekness of your own.” Relax a little in preparation for the struggle. Then return to it. When you feel yourself getting agitated again, repeat the process. God will help you.
Keep your soul at peace. In big things or in little ones, leave yourself always in the hands of Providence. Go on cultivating a meek and peaceful disposition, for it is the true spirit of Jesus, who wants to reign in our hearts for ever.
I am yours in him,
Francis de Sales
(Source: Annecy, May 1609. Annecy Edition, XIV, 156-157. Annecy. 23 May 1609, Annecy Edition, XIV, 162.)
14. Holding God's Hand
Dear Francis de Sales,
I have not been at all well for some days and have to stay in bed. Please say a prayer that I get better soon. Do you think God is tired of me? I still love him, but don’t feel I’m much of use to him.
Yours sincerely,
Mrs. A. Christine
Dear Mrs. Christine,
The God-given affection I have for you, holy and perfect as it is, makes me very sorry that you are sick. Still, you know, we must try not only to accept this sickness as coming from the loving hand of God, our origin and our goal, but also to love it dearly and hug it closely.
I hope you’ll soon be quite well again, if it’s for God’s greater glory. If not, I hope you’ll bear your sufferings lovingly for as long as Providence requires, so that whether you’re well or sick God’s will may be done.
I praise God for your love of him. Don’t go prying into it, though, through thinking he will drop you because you are worthless. We must never give way to these fears.
As you humble yourself and acknowledge that you are quite worthless, trust that God’s great mercy will enfold you more and more. This doesn’t mean that we should the press on regardless. Of course, we’re not pressing on regardless whenever we accept the graces God offers us, as long as we remain humble and fulfil the duties that go with our state in life.
What more can I say to you, except to repeat what I’ve so often said. As far as you can just carry on as usual out of love for God. Let your prayers and actions give proof of this love.
Above all, mould yourself as far as possible along the lines of kindness and patient serenity: kindness towards your neighbour, however tiresome or disagreeable; patient serenity as regards yourself, however tempted or troubled, however worthless you may feel.
I trust in our Lord that you will always hold on to his hand, and so never stumble at all. If you do happen to trip over an obstacle and fall, it will only be to put you even more on your guard and make you seek more earnestly your heavenly Father’s help and protection. I beg him to have always in his safe keeping.
I am, in him, faithfully yours,
Francis de Sales
(Source: Annecy, 20 August 1609. Annecy Edition, XIV, 193-194)
15. The Secret of Inward Peace
Dear Francis de Sales,
You have often advised me to preserve my peace of soul. Can you tell me the best way of doing this? I’m very easily upset, especially when things go wrong and my plans miscarry. I’m always praying for the virtue of patience.
Yours sincerely,
Mrs. A. Christine
Dear Mrs. Christine,
Nothing in this world, to be sure, can give us a greater sense of peace than the frequent thought of all our Lord’s sufferings from his cradle to his grave.
We shall realise how wrong we are to describe all the little things that happen to us as sufferings, pains or setbacks in comparison with the scorn, calumnies, poverty and destitution, humiliation, pain, agony, privations, insults and grief in every shape and form that he endured.
We shall see our mistake in longing for patience to put up with what are only trifles, when all that is needed to cope with them is just a grain of commonsense or an atom of self-control.
I can read your soul like a book. I seem to be always catching sight of little emotions of sadness, surprise and uneasiness that come troubling you. These emotions upset you because you have not yet driven deep enough down into your will the foundations of love of the cross and love of lowliness.
A heart that is full of love and worship of Jesus Christ crucified will also love the death and the pain, the scourging and the spitting, the mockery and the shame, the hunger and the thirst, the impoverishment which he endured. If it happens to be granted a passing share in these, it is beside itself with joy and receives them with open arms.
Not only in your prayers, but at all times as you go about your business, try to fix your thoughts upon our Lord amid the pains which our redemption cost hi, and realise how fortunate you are to have a share in them.
Try to visualise in advance what this may entail; opposition to all your plans, for example, especially those which seem to you quite good and lawful. Your love for our Lord’s cross and passion should then lead you to exclaim lie St. Andrew: “O good cross, so greatly loved by my Saviour, when will you receive me into your arms?”
We are far too sensitive, you see, in complaining that our lot is a sorry one; when we are neither hungry, cold nor downtrodden, but only experience some little setback in our plans.
You need curing of your oversensitiveness before anything else, if you are to find peace and quiet. You need to make the idea of eternity a vivid reality for yourself. Those who often fix their gaze on what is eternal face the events of a life that is measured in moments with little or no concern.
God be with you. Look upon me as ever yours, for so I am in all sincerity. God bless you.
Francis de Sales
(Source: Annecy, December 1609. Annecy Edition, XIV, 232-234)
16. The Throne of God's Love
Dear Francis de Sales,
My prayers are causing me some difficulty just now. I want to talk to God, but as soon as I get on my knees everything goes blank, and I feel so helpless.
God always seems to be so very far away. No matter how hard I try, I just can’t reach him. I know it’s my unworthiness, and it makes me very miserable because I don’t seem to be able to do anything about it.
Yours sincerely,
Mrs. A. Christine
Dear Mrs. Christine,
Your difficulty, which is simply a question of aridity or dryness, cannot be straightened out by letter. I should need to see you to become acquainted with your symptoms.
Still, when all is said and done, patience and resignation is the only cure. The winter’s cold will pass eventually and then summer will come to gladden our hearts.
I’m afraid we keep our hearts set on contentment, serenity and cheerful comfort, but the bitterness of aridity will do us more good.
Although St. Peter loved Mount Tabor and shrank from Mount Calvary, Calvary was the greater grace and blessing; the blood that was shed on Calvary was of greater value than the splendour that shed its rays over Tabor.
Our Lord has begun to treat you as one of his sensible children; try to behave like one, just a little. Bread an no jam is better for you than jam and no bread.
The feeling of uneasiness and melancholy arising from the consciousness of your nothingness has no business to be there. The cause may be good, but the effect is bad. On the contrary, instead of being upset on realising our nothingness we should become more tolerant, submissive and lowly.
Self-love is the sole reason we grow impatient at seeing ourselves insignificant and contemptible. I implore you in the name of Jesus Christ, whom we both love, to take comfort and remain unruffled by your frailty.
“I delight to boast of the weakness that humiliate me,” said the great St. Paul, “so that the strength of Christ may enshrine itself in me.” Our wretchedness, to be sure, serves as a throne to offset our Lord’s unparalleled loving kindness.
I wish you a thousand blessings. May our Lord bless your heart and set it afire with love of him! May he alone be your heart’s delight; may your sole comfort be the seeking of his glory in all you do. May he make his home in your heart, and may you find your refuge in his.
I am, in him, more sincerely yours than you could believe.
Your most devoted servant,
Francis de Sales
(Source: 1609 or 1610. Annecy Edition, XIV, 235-236)
17. Laying Good Foundation
Dear Francis de Sales,
I haven’t time to write a long letter. We’re living with my husband’s people at the moment, and life is not at all easy. We are on the housing list, but I have to keep going along the offices to see if they can do anything for us.
All this worry on top of the housework leaves me no time for my prayers and the sacraments. I’m afraid I shall have to cut them for a while. It’s as much as I can do to get to the last Mass on Sundays.
Yours sincerely,
Mrs. A. Christine
Dear Mrs. Christine,
I have been aware of your many troubles and have asked our Lord to send you the blessing he reserves for his dearest servants in their trials, so that you may make these difficulties redound to his glory.
Now, you must always persevere in firmly placing all your trust in our Lord in the troublesome business you have in hand. It will give you a fine opportunity of laying a good foundation of submission to God’s will and peace of soul.
Peace of soul that has never withstood the test of exasperation is illusory and a sign of laziness.
But why do you say that you’re afraid you’ll have to discontinue your spiritual exercises, particularly Holy Communion? Surely a little more care on your part would keep them safe and sound throughout all the disturbance!
We must beware of going without food when we have to work; on the contrary, we should eat more. Keep your courage high, for we are to be proof against all eventualities.
I have noticed from your letters your little falls and imperfections. They shouldn’t surprise either of us in the slightest. They’re only little warnings to keep us low and humble in our own eyes and wide-awake at our posts.
Let us, then, face up to life bravely, for at heart we are God’s without any reserve or exception. So dwell in peace through the grace and comfort of the Holy Spirit.
But I must stop. God is yours whenever you wish. May his will be your resting-place and his cross your glory. I am ever,
Your true and humble servant in him,
Francis de Sales
(Source: Annecy, 19 September 1610. Annecy Edition, XIV, 346-347)
18. A Call to Arms
Dear Francis de Sales,
Once again I don’t seem to be getting anything out of my prayers. They’re so dry and lifeless these days. Still, I do try to stick at them all the same. The only drawback is that God seems so far away that I sometimes give way to my temptations.
I’ve been trying to get on with my husband’s people at home, but it doesn’t seem to work somehow. No matter what I do, it doesn’t please them. They make life very difficult.
Yours sincerely,
Mrs. A. Christine
Dear Mrs. Christine,
Come, now! What would you have me say about the return of your troubles except that when the enemy reappears we must take up our arms afresh and rally our courage so as to fight more resolutely than ever.
I don’t see anything very serious in your letter; only be extremely careful not to allow yourself any misgivings as to God’s goodness. If he lets you fall like this, it doesn’t mean that he has deserted you. It is only to keep you humble and make you hold on to his sympathetic hand with a firmer and a tighter grip.
I’m so pleased that you are continuing your spiritual exercises in spite of the recurrence of your aridities and interior weariness.
I’m glad, because our only motive in serving God is that we love him. Since he is more pleased with our service when we are suffering from aridity than when our prayers afford us every satisfaction, we should prefer it too – at least in the higher part of our souls. Although from the point of view of our self-love serenity and sympathy are more pleasant, from the point of view of God’s love aridity is more beneficial.
And now for your temporal concerns: since you have tried to them right, without success, you must now practise patience and resignation, cheerfully embracing the cross which has fallen to your lot.
Remain in peace. Often tell our Lord that you want to be what he wants you to be and to suffer what he wants you to suffer. Keep up a persevering resistance to your impatience by practising continually, welcome, or unwelcome, the virtues of kindliness and gentleness towards those who most vex and annoy you. God will bless your efforts.
I am in him, with all my heart, sincerely yours
Francis de Sales
(Source: Annecy, 17 August 1611. Annecy Edition, XV, 89-90)
19. Besieged by Troubles
Dear Francis de Sales,
Living with my husband’s people is proving very difficult. They are continually interfering. Besides, they’re not Catholics and don’t understand our ways. Because of the things they say, I was afraid recently to say grace before meals for the children. I’m sorry for this and can’t help worrying about it. Do you think I denied my faith?
I’m carrying on with my prayers and communions as you suggested, but I still can’t pray properly. Do you think it’s because I’m all upset inside over our present difficulties?
Yours sincerely,
Mrs. A. Christine
Dear Mrs. Christine,
I’ve no doubt, knowing something of the provocation you could meet, that you’re greatly troubled by various irritating incidents. But where, when and how can we show that we are truly faithful to our Lord, if not during periods of annoyance, contradiction and aversion?
What this life has to offer is more often bitter than sweet; but he, for whose sake we have resolved to practise the virtue of patience amid all our contradictions, will give us the comfort of his Holy Spirit in due course. As the Apostle says, don’t throw away that confidence of yours. It will give you new strength to suffer and withstand bravely the troubles that besiege you, however great they may be.
Of course, we ought not to forego, at other times, any of the normal practices by which we profess our holy religion, just because we are with people who hold different religious opinions. We shouldn’t be ashamed of letting non-Catholics see the sincerity of our belief. Our behaviour in such circumstances should be assured and natural.
Still, your fault was not so grave that you need to worry about it after being sorry for it. After all, you have not broken any particular commandment, nor denied the truth in any way; you simply gave way to a foolish fear.
To be quite frank with you, there was no question of mortal sin on your part nor – to my mind – of any venial sin, but just a natural lukewarmness resulting from uneasiness and diffidence. So set your mind at rest on that score.
You are always thinking too much and never-endingly probing to know why you happen to suffer from you attacks of aridity in prayer. Even if they are your own fault, you must not be upset about it, but quite meekly and humbly turn your back on them. Then place yourself once again in our Lord’s hands, so that he may spare you the trial or help you to put up with it, as he pleases.
You must not be so curious as to want to know the reason for all life’s varied moods. Acquiesce in whatever God decrees for you, and leave it at that.
Carry on meekly, humbly and serenely, ever at our Lord’s service. With all my heart I desire his heavenly blessing on you and on your little ones.
Your humble friend and servant,
Francis de Sales
(Source: Annecy, 28 December 1611. Annecy Edition, XV, 136)
20. The Real Test of Love
Dear Francis de Sales,
I’m writing to ask for the help of your prayers. I’m not very well just now and have been having a series of sick headaches.
Not long ago you advised me to think often about our Lord’s sufferings. I try to do this, but I’m afraid that when the pain is very bad I find it impossible.
Someone told me recently that I shouldn’t pray to get well, but just grin and bear my sickness. Is that right? Should I kneel down to say my prayers when I feel a little better?
Yours sincerely,
Mrs. A. Christine
Dear Mrs. Christine,
Let us practise the virtue of resignation and that unselfish love of our Lord for which our troubles alone offer full scope.
To love God when things go right is child’s play; to love him when things go wrong – that is the supreme test of true love. The impetuous St. Peter had sufficient courage to say all for Jesus on Mount Tabor. Only his Mother and the beloved disciple, bequeathed to her as her son, were found to say All for Jesus on Mount Calvary.
So you see, I ask God in my prayers to grant you the virtue of patience. There’s nothing else I can ask him to do for you, except to mould your heart to his liking, so as to make it his home and his kingdom for ever.
Let me add that whether he fashions it with a hammer, a chisel or a brush is for him to decide. That’s only right, isn’t it, my child?
I know that your sufferings have been increased lately and my sympathy for you has grown with them. Still, together with you, I praise and thank our Lord for the fulfilment of his good pleasure in granting you a share in his holy cross and crowning you with his crown of thorns.
You say that while you are sick with pain you can hardly keep your mind on the sufferings our Lord endured for you. But, dear child, you’re not bound to do this, as long as you just lift up your heart to him as often as you can in the following ways:
Accept the pain form his hand as though you could actually see him laying and pressing it on your head. Offer to suffer more. Beg him, through the merits of his sufferings, to accept your little ailments in union with the pains he endured on the cross. Promise him that you will not only endure but lovingly welcome your indisposition, since it comes from so good and kind a hand. Ask the prayers of the martyrs and the many servants of God who are now enjoying the happiness of heaven in reward for the great sufferings they endured in this world.
There’s no harm in wanting a cure; rather, you must do all you can to obtain one. Sickness is willed by God, but he can also provide the cure for it. Apply whatever remedies you can and then leave yourself in God’s hands. If he wishes the sickness to prevail, accept it cheerfully. If he allows the remedy to be successful, thank him for it.
There’s no harm in sitting down to say your prayers. None at all; and this goes for far less delicate cases than yours.
What happiness is yours, if you go on leaving yourself as a humble, meek and docile instrument in God’s hands.
I hope your headache will prove beneficial to you spiritually, for it’s your growth in holiness that I have so very much at heart. It is now, more than ever and most clearly, that you can prove to our dear Lord the sincerity and love behind your constant prayer: All for Jesus!
All for Jesus! May he reign amid your sufferings, for it is to his dying sufferings that we owe the possibility of a share in his life and his kingdom.
I am, in him very sincerely yours,
Francis de Sales
(Source: 1610-1611. Possibly addressed to Madame de la Fléchère. Annecy Edition, XV, 140-142)
21. Walking With God
Dear Francis de Sales,
You will be pleased to know that my prayers have been much easier lately, and not so dry. I think it’s because I’ve been trying to live each day more in the presence of God.
When I think how close he is to me, I tremble sometimes; but it helps me to keep my temper a little more under control.
Yours sincerely,
Mrs. A. Christine
Dear Mrs. Christine,
I’m really very pleased to learn of the encouragement you receive in prayer, especially when it’s built on such a sure foundation as the practice of the presence of God. So carry on along the same path, always keeping close to God; you’ll find his shade a greater tonic than the sunshine.
There’s no harm in sometimes quaking in his presence. Even the angels tremble as they gaze upon his unveiled glory. Just take care that God’s love, the crown of all his works, always has the upper hand, is first and last in all your thoughts.
Now all is well since your old outbursts of temper no longer take you by surprise and you are a little meeker than you were.
Always be faithful to God and to yourself. Correct yourself of something every day; not because you have to, but because you want to. People who are fond of gardening enjoy pruning the trees in their orchards.
As long as you love, seek and follow our Lord, you can count on him to supply for all your deficiencies, if it comes to that, so that you may get ever closer to him. This is what you’re doing, I know. Keep it up carefully every day.
Commend me to God’s mercy, for I am most sincerely
Your devoted servant,
Francis de Sales
(Source: 1610-1612. Annecy Edition, XV, 319-320)
22. The Loss of a Loved One
Dear Francis de Sales,
This is just a short note to ask your prayers for my sister who is very ill.
She has been poorly for a long time, but now I think she is dying.
If God does take her, I’ll send you word.
Yours sincerely,
Mrs. A. Christine
Dear Mrs. Christine,
I’ve just been told that your sister has passed away. So now we are left behind, a prey to the feeling of sadness inseparable from times of bereavement.
God knows, I’ve no intention of telling you not to cry. On the contrary, it is a good thing and only natural for you to cry a little. Our dear Master wept a little for his friend Lazarus, and you can do the same in this case as a sign of true sisterly affection.
Have a little cry then, my dear child, but don’t let your grief run away with you. You are not one of those people whose thoughts cannot rise beyond this unhappy world; who forget that we, too, are on the way to eternity; who forget that we shall rejoin our loved ones one day, if we live good lives in this world, never to be parted again.
We cannot help being affected by the ups and downs of life, or by the loss of those whose companionship gave us so much pleasure. However, we ought never to break our solemn promise of always keeping our wills in tune with God’s.
Your dear sister had the great good fortune to be conscious long before the end that the hour of her passing was gradually stealing upon her. This gave her the opportunity of preparing for a holy death. Let us praise Providence for it, telling God that he is good and that everything he does is good.
Our human hearts should learn to accept the untoward events of life quite calmly with little or no concern, for they should now begin to cling more lovingly to heaven than to earth.
I shall pray for the repose of your sister’s soul, and ask God to comfort all who loved her. Never think of her death without remembering that our Saviour died that we might live. Praised be his holy will: Amen. All for Jesus!
Your humble servant and friend,
Francis de Sales
(Source: Annecy, 1611- March 1613. Annecy Edition, XV, 325-326)
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