A WAY TO RECOGNIZE THIS IMPERFECT LOVE
But you will say to me, “What means is there to discern whether it is Rachel or Leah, charity or imperfect love, that gives me the feelings of devotion with which I am touched?" Examine in detail the objects of the desires, of the affections and of the plans that you have at present. Supposing you find any one for which you would go against the will and good pleasure of God, by sinning mortally. Then it is beyond doubt that all the feeling, all the facility and readiness to serve God, that you think you have, flow from no other source than human and imperfect love. If perfect love reigned in you, O Lord God, it would destroy every affection, every desire, every plan with so harmful an object. It would not tolerate that your heart should see it.
But note that I have said that this examination has to be made on the affections you have at present. For it is not required that you should imagine such as may arise later on. It is enough that we be faithful in present circumstances, according to the changing times. For each season has quite sufficient of its own toil and trouble.
However, you may want to exercise your heart in spiritual bravery by imagining various encounters and attacks. You could profitably do so, provided that after the acts of this imaginary valour which your heart has made, you do not consider yourself more brave. The children of Ephraim did wonders with their bows and arrows during the practice for war among themselves. But when it came to actual fighting on the day of battle, they turned the back (Psalm 78:9), not having the courage to shoot their arrows or to face the arrows of their enemies.
Hence when we practise this valour regarding future events, or such as are only possible, if we have a feeling that is good and faithful, let us thank God for it, for this feeling is always good. Nevertheless, we remain with humility between confidence and diffidence. We hope that by means of God’s help we would do on each occasion that which we had imagined. Still, we fear that according to our usual wretchedness we would perhaps do nothing and so we lose courage. The diffidence could grow so excessive that it would seem to us that we have neither strength nor courage. So we would feel despair with regard to imaginary temptations, as though we were not in God’s charity and grace. In such a situation, in spite of our feelings and discouragement, we must make a resolution to be very faithful in all that may happen to us, including the temptation that is causing us trouble. We hope that when the temptation comes, God will multiply his grace, redouble his help, and give us all the assistance we need. While not giving us strength for an imaginary and unnecessary war, he would give it to us when we are in need. Many have lost fear and have taken courage and found determination in the presence of danger and of need. This they would never have done in their absence. And so, many servants of God, imagining absent temptations, have been frightened even almost to losing courage. But when they saw them present, they acted with great courage.
Finally, in these fears arising from the imagination of future attacks, when it seems to us that our heart fails, it is enough to desire courage and trust in God, that he will give it to us at the time we need it. Surely Samson did not have his courage always. We are told in Scripture (Judg 14:6) that the lion of the vineyards of Tamnatha came towards him furiously and roaring. The spirit of the Lord seized him, that is, God gave him the strength of a new force and a new courage, and he tore the lion in pieces as one tears a kid. And the same thing happened when he defeated the thousand Philistines who wanted to kill him in the field of Lehi (Judg 15:14-15).
In the same way, my dear Theotimus, it is not necessary that we have always the feeling and movement of courage required to overcome the roaring lion which goes about here and there seeking to devour us (1 Pet 5:8). This might give us vanity and presumption. It is quite enough that we have a strong desire to fight bravely. Also we are to have a perfect confidence that the Holy Spirit will assist us with his help when the occasion to use it will present itself.
END OF BOOK FOUR