THE LOVING FEAR OF SPOUSES: A CONTINUATION OF THE SAME SUBJECT
Ah, Jonathan, my brother, you were dear to me above the love of women, said David (2 Sam.1:26). It is as if he had said, “you were worthy of a greater love than that of wives for their husbands." All excellent things are rare. Imagine, Theotimus, a spouse with a dove-like heart and having the perfection of nuptial love. Her love is incomparable, not only in excellence but also in the great variety of beautiful affections and qualities which go with it. It is not only chaste, but modest; it is strong, but gracious; it is forceful yet tender; it is ardent but respectful; generous but fearful; bold yet obedient; and its fear is all mingled with delightful confidence.
Such certainly is the fear of the soul which has perfect love. It has such assurance of the supreme goodness of its Spouse that it does not fear losing him. But it greatly fears, nevertheless, that it will not enjoy enough of his divine presence. Also that some occasion may make him absent himself even though for only a single moment. It is quite confident that it will never displease him. But it fears that it may not please him as much as love requires. Its love is indeed wholehearted to have even the least suspicion of ever falling into disgrace with him. But it is still so sensitive that it fears that it may not be united closely enough to him. Yes, the soul sometimes reaches such perfection that it no longer fears it may not be closely enough united to him. Its love assures it that it will be so forever. But it fears that this union may not be so pure, simple and attentive as its love makes it claim.
This is that admirable lover who would not want to love the spiritual tastes, delights, virtues and consolations for fear of being distracted, be it ever so little, from the unique love it has for its Beloved. It asserts that it is himself and not his gifts that it seeks and crying out for this, Ah, show me, my Beloved, where you feed and where you rest at noon, so that I may not wander after pleasures which are outside of you (Song 1:7).
The great souls of St. Paul, St. Francis [of Assisi], St. Catherine of Genoa and others were touched by this sacred fear of divine spouses. They did not want any mixture in their love. Rather they strove to make it so pure, so simple, so perfect, that no consolations nor even virtues should find any place between their heart and God. That is why they could say: I live but no longer myself. It is Jesus Christ who lives in me (Gal 2:20); “ My God is all things to me"; “What is not God is nothing to me"; Jesus Christ is my life (Phil 1:21; Col 3:4). “My love is crucified" and such other words of ecstatic love.
Initial fear or that of learners proceeds from true love but from a love which is still delicate, feeble and only beginning. Filial fear proceeds from a love that is strong, solid and already tending to perfection. But the fear of spouses results from the excellence and perfection of love already completely possessed. As to servile and mercenary fears, they do not truly proceed from love but usually precede love to serve it as its forerunner, as we have said elsewhere16, and are quite often very useful in its service.
You will see, Theotimus, a diligent lady not willing to eat her bread in idleness (Prov 31:27), not any more than the one whom Solomon praised so greatly. She will place silk in a beautiful variety of colours on fine white satin to make an embroidery of numerous pretty flowers. This she will then brighten and greatly enrich with gold and silver in suitable designs. This work is done with a needle which she inserts wherever she wants to place the silk, the gold and the silver. The needle is put into the satin not to be left there but only to draw in the silk, the gold and the silver, making way for them. When these things are in place, the needle is drawn out. In the same way when the Divine Goodness wishes to place a great variety of virtues in the human soul and then enrich them with his sacred love, he makes use of the needle of servile and mercenary fear with which our hearts are ordinarily first pricked. But this needle is not left there. As the virtues are drawn in and placed in the soul, servile and mercenary fear goes out, according to what is said by the beloved disciple: Perfect charity casts out fear (1 Jn 4:18). Yes, in truth, Theotimus, for the fear of being damned and of losing heaven is dreadful and full of anguish. How can it remain with sacred love which is all sweet and delightful?