THE GREAT FEELING OF LOVE WE RECEIVE FROM THE VIRTUE OF HOPE
When we are exposed to the rays of the noonday sun, we scarcely see its brightness. Rather we suddenly feel the heat. Thus the light of faith when it pours out the splendour of its truth in our intellect, suddenly the will feels the heat of holy love. Faith makes known to us with an infallible certitude that God exists. He is infinite in his goodness. He can communicate with us. He can not only do it but he really wants to do it. Thus, by an ineffable gentleness, he has prepared for us all the means necessary for reaching the happiness of immortal glory.
Now we have a natural inclination to the supreme God. Hence our heart has a certain inborn yearning and unceasing restlessness. It is not able to calm this restlessness. It does not cease to show that it lacks perfect satisfaction and solid contentment. When our holy faith has presented to our spirit the beautiful object of its natural inclination, Theotimus, O true God! What comfort! What pleasure! What thrill overwhelms our whole spirit! Then, fully surprised at the sight of such supreme beauty, it cries out of love: How beautiful you are, my love, how very beautiful (Song 4:1; 1:15).
Eliezer was searching for a wife for his master Abraham’s son. How could he know if he would find her as beautiful and gracious as he desired her to be? He found her at the well. He saw that she was outstanding in beauty and perfect in gentleness. Above all, when she was entrusted to him, he adored and blessed God for it with thanksgiving full of unparalleled joy (Gn 24). The human heart seeks God by its natural tendency. But it does not clearly know what he is. But when we find him at the well of faith, we see him so good, so beautiful, so gentle, so good-natured towards all. He is quite ready to give himself as the supreme good to all who long for him. Then, O God! What satisfaction, what holy movements in our heart to unite ourselves to this supremely lovable goodness! I have, finally, found, says the person thus touched (Song 3:4). I have found what I desired. Now I am satisfied. It is like Jacob after seeing the beautiful Rachel and kissing her with a holy kiss melt into tears of sweetness for the happiness which he experienced from this pleasant meeting (Gn 29:9-11) In the same way, our poor heart on finding God and receiving from him the first kiss of holy faith, soon after melts itself in the sweetness of love. For it sees the infinite good, from the very first, in this supreme beauty.
Sometimes we experience some satisfaction which comes unexpectedly without any apparent reason. Often these are some presentiments of some greater joy. Many think that our good guardian angels foresee something good that is going to happen to us. So they give us some foretaste of them. On the contrary, they give us some fear and fright about unknown dangers. It is to make us implore God and remain on our guard. When the good foreshadowed comes to us, we receive it with open arms. We reflect upon the comfort we had without knowing the cause. Then only we know that it was like a forerunner of the happiness we experience.
Thus, dear Theotimus, our heart had for a long time a natural tendency towards our supreme good. We did not know to what this movement was tending. But as soon as faith pointed it out to us, we realized clearly that it was this [supreme good] that our soul was asking for, our spirit was seeking, and our natural tendency was looking for. Whether we wish it or not, our spirit seeks the supreme good. But what is this supreme good? We are like those good Athenians who were offering sacrifice to the true God. He was all the same unknown to them till the great St. Paul made him known to them (Acts 17:23). Similarly, our heart seeks and searches for happiness in all its actions by a deep and secret instinct. It goes on searching here and there, as if groping about, without always knowing neither where happiness resides nor in what it consists. It goes on yearning till faith shows it and describes to it its infinite marvels. Then on finding the treasure it was looking for, O, what satisfaction it gives to the poor human heart, what joy, what delight in love! Well, I have found him whom my soul was searching for (Song 3:4) without knowing him. O! I did not know to what my yearnings were tending when nothing of all that I sought gave me happiness! For I did not know, in fact, what was seeking. I wanted to love but I did not know whom to love. Hence my yearning did not find genuine love. My love was always a real but unrecognized yearning. I had enough presentiment of love to make me look for it. But I did not have enough awareness of the goodness to be loved in order to practise love.