HOW LOVE AND SORROW BLEND TOGETHER IN CONTRITION
Nature, as I know, never changes fire into water, though some waters change themselves into fire. However, God did it once by a miracle. Thus it is written in the Book of Maccabees (2 Macc 1:19-22). The children of Israel were led to Babylon at the time of Zedekiah. Then the priests, on the advice of Jeremiah, hid the sacred fire in a dry well in a valley. On their return [from exile] the children of those who had hidden the fire went in search of it as their fathers had instructed them. They found the sacred fire changed into a very thick water. They drew it out and sprinkled it over the sacrifices as directed by Nehemiah. As soon as the rays of the sun touched it, it was turned into a blazing fire.
Theotimus, amid the trials and sorrows of a lively repentance, God often puts in the depths of our heart the sacred fire of his love. Then this love is changed into the water of many tears. Then a second change takes place. These tears are transformed into a great flame of love. Thus the famous penitent lover [St. Mary Magdalene] first loved her Saviour. This love was changed into tears and these tears into fervent love. So Our Lord told her that many sins were forgiven her because she had loved much (Lk 7:47).[1]
We see that fire turns wine into water. Almost everywhere it is called aqua vitae [water of life].[2] It causes and easily feeds fire, so that in many places it is called ardente [burning, fiery]. Similarly, loving recollection on the supremely lovable goodness of God offended by sin produces the water of repentance. Then from this water arises the fire of divine love. We could rightly call it aqua vitae and ardente. Surely, in substance, it is a water. For penance is none other than a genuine displeasure, a real sorrow and repentance. However, it is burning because it contains the power and characteristic of love as it comes from a motive of love. By this quality, it gives the life of grace.
Perfect repentance, therefore, has two different effects. It separates us from sin by virtue of its sorrow and detestation, and from the creature to which delight had attached us. By the power of the motive of love from which repentance takes its origin, it reconciles us and reunites us to our God. We had been separated from him by contempt of him. So, at the same time, as it draws us back from sin by its quality of repentance, it reunites us to God by its characteristic of love.
However, I do not mean to say that perfect love of God by which we love him above all things always goes before repentance. Nor does this repentance always precede love. Although it happens in this way many times, yet at other times as divine love is born within our hearts, penance is born within that love. Many times, as penance comes into our hearts, love enters into penance. When Esau came out of the womb of his mother (Gen 25:25), Jacob his twin held him by the foot. So their births not only followed one after the other but were also held together and bound to one another. Likewise repentance, harsh and bitter because of its sorrow, is born first like another Esau. Love, gentle and gracious like Jacob holds it by the leg. It is so attached to it that both have a single origin since the end of the birth of repentance is the beginning of that of perfect love. As Esau appeared first, so repentance usually shows itself before love. But love, like another Jacob though born soon after, subordinates repentance and changes it into consolation.
Imagine, Theotimus, how the beloved Magdalene weeps out of love: They have taken away my Lord, and I do not know where they have laid him (Jn 20:13), she says, melting away in tears. After finding him, by her sighs and tears, she holds him and possesses him by love. Imperfect love longs for him, and searches for him; penance seeks him and finds him. Perfect love holds him and clasps him. Something similar is told about the rubies of Ethiopia. They have a very pale brilliance. When they are placed in vinegar, their brilliance shines forth. The love that goes before repentance is usually imperfect. But immersed in the bitterness of penance, it intensifies and becomes perfect.
Sometimes it even happens that repentance, though perfect, does not contain in itself the proper activity of love. It contains only its virtue and characteristic. You may ask: What virtue and quality of love can repentance have if it has no activity? Theotimus, the motive of perfect repentance is the goodness of God. We have displeased him by offending him. Now this motive is not a motive unless it moves and gives movement. The movement which divine goodness gives to the heart which reflects on it cannot but be a movement of love, that is, union. True repentance may not be recognized. We may not see the proper activity of love. Yet true repentance always receives the movement of love, the unitive quality of love by which it reunites and joins us to divine goodness. It is the nature of the magnet to attract iron to it and join itself to it. Iron touched by the magnet is not a magnet and does not have its nature, but only its power and attracting quality. Even so, it does not cease to attract and unite itself to other pieces of iron. Tell me, please, do you not see this? Thus perfect repentance touched by the motive of love has no essential activity of love. But it does not cease to have the virtue and quality, that is, the movement of union to rejoin and reunite our hearts to the Divine will.
What difference is there, you would ask, between this unitive movement of penance and the proper activity of love. Theotimus, the activity of love is a movement of union, indeed, but it is realized through delight. The movement of union which is in penance is not achieved by means of delight but by displeasure [of sin], repentance, reparation, reconciliation. To the extent this movement unites, it has the quality of love; in so far as it is bitter and sorrowful, it has the quality of penance. To sum up, by its natural condition, it is a true movement of penance, but it has the power and unitive quality of love.
Theriacal wine is called theriacal not because it contains the proper substance of theriac. This substance is not in it at all. But it is so called because the roots of the vine were steeped in theriac. The grapes and wine from that plant have taken on the power and activity of the theriac against all kinds of poisons. If penance, according to Scripture, wipes out sin, saves the soul, makes it pleasing to God and justifies it, these effects belong to love. It would seem that they should be attributed to love only. We should not be surprised at this. Though love is not found in perfect penance as love itself, yet its power and qualities are always there. They have flowed into penance from the motive of love from which they arise.
We should not be surprised that the power of love is born within repentance before love itself is formed there. We see that the reflection of the rays of the sun falling on the surface of a mirror heat it through the virtue and characteristic of fire. The heat increases little by little and becomes so strong that it begins to burn, before it really produces fire or at least before we have noticed it. Similarly, the Holy Spirit pours into our understanding reflection on the seriousness of our sins in so far as we have offended such supreme goodness. Our will receives the reflection of this knowledge. Then repentance grows gradually with some affective warmth and desire to return to the grace of God. Finally this movement reaches such a degree that it burns and unites even before love is formed. Love, always like a sacred fire, kindles itself immediately at this point. So too, repentance never comes to such an extent as to burn and reunite the heart to God, which is its supreme perfection. Repentance does not find itself fully changed into the fire and flames of love, the end of one serving as the beginning of the other [love]. Thus the end of repentance is in the beginning of love.
Similarly, Esau’s foot was in the hand of Jacob (Gen 25:25) in such a way that the completion of Esau’s birth was the beginning of Jacob’s. The end of the birth of one was so linked and bound, and what is more, included in the beginning of another’s birth. Thus the beginning of perfect love not only follows the end of repentance but is also attached and bound to it. In one word, the beginning of perfect love not only follows the end of repentance but is also attached and bound to it. The beginning of love blends with the end of repentance and in this movement of blending, repentance and contrition merit eternal life.
This loving repentance is usually practised by aspirations or by raising our heart to God similar to those of the penitents of old: I am yours, save me (Ps 119:94); Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me, for in you my soul takes refuge (Ps 57:1); Save me, O God, for the waters have come up to my neck (Ps 69:1); Treat me like one of your hired hands (Lk 15:19); Lord, be merciful to me a poor sinner (Lk 18:13). It is not without reason that some have said that prayer justifies. Prayer of repentance or prayerful repentance raises our soul to God and reunites it to God’s goodness. Doubtless, it obtains pardon by virtue of the holy love which gives it sacred movement. Hence we should say such ejaculatory prayers by way of loving repentance and desires, seeking our reconciliation with God. I pour out my complaint before him; I tell my trouble before him (Ps 142:2). Thus, we pour out our souls, before and within his merciful heart who will receive them with mercy.
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[1] See footnote in Bk II, Ch. 6.
[2] In French Eau de vie. It is a brandy distilled from the juice of different fruits and looks exactly like water. Eau de vie = water of life.