So that you may understand more clearly the advice I have given above, I am now going to mention an interesting incident from the life of St. Bernard. It is from a learned and prudent writer.
Almost all the beginners in the service of God, are still inexperienced in the withdrawals of sensible favours as well as in the ups and downs of spiritual life. It is common that, when they lose the feeling of sensible devotion, and the pleasant light which invites them to hasten on their way to God, they at once feel wary, become discouraged and grow sad at heart. Those who are experienced give this explanation: human nature cannot remain for long in a state of hunger and without any kind of delight, either heavenly or earthly. Persons lifted above themselves by spiritual joys, easily renounce material things. When God allows spiritual joy to be withdrawn from them, and having already deprived themselves of bodily consolations, and as they are still unaccustomed to wait patiently for the return of the true sun, it seems to them that they are neither in heaven nor on earth but buried in an everlasting night. Thus, like newly weaned children deprived of their mother’s milk, they long for it and sigh, becoming annoying and troublesome especially to themselves.
Here is the incident which took place during a journey. Geoffrey of Peronne was travelling in a group with St. Bernard. Geoffrey had recently dedicated himself to the service of God. he suddenly experienced a state of spiritual dryness, being deprived of consolation and flooded by interior darkness. He began to think of his worldly friends, relatives and the wealth he had just renounced. Consequently, he was assailed by so violent a temptation that he could not hide his feelings. One of his close friends noticed this. He took him aside tactfully and asked him gently: “what has happened Geoffrey? Why are you, so unusually preoccupied and sad?” Then, Geoffrey answered with a deep sigh: “My brother, I shall never be happy again.” His friend was moved to pity by these words. Filled with brotherly concern, he went immediately and informed their common spiritual father, St. Bernard. Realizing the danger, St. Bernard entered a nearby church and prayed to God for him. Meanwhile, Geoffrey, overwhelmed by sadness, laid his head upon a stone and fell asleep. After some time, both stood up, the one from prayer having obtained the favour he had asked for, the other from sleep. As Geoffrey was now smiling and peaceful, his dear friend was amazed at so great and sudden a change. He could not prevent himself from reproaching his friend for the answer he had given him a short while ago. Then Geoffrey replied to him: “A short while ago I told you that I shall never be happy again. Now I assure you that I shall never be sad again.” Such was the happy outcome of the temptation faced by this devout person. Dear Philothea, take note of the following:
God usually gives a foretaste of heavenly delights to those who begin to serve Him. This is to withdraw them from worldly pleasures and encourage them in the search for divine love. It is like a mother, who puts honey on her breast to entice and allure her little child to suckle.
Nevertheless, this loving God, in his wise design, takes from us the milk and honey of consolations. This is to wean us so that we may learn to eat the dry but more solid bread of a vigorous devotion, practised as it is tested in the midst of distastes and temptations.
Very great storms sometimes arise in the midst of dryness and desolation. Then we must fight steadily against temptations because they are not from God. But we must bear patiently with the feelings of dryness as God has ordained them for our training.
We must never lose courage in the midst of interior troubles or say like the good Geoffrey: “I shall never be happy again.” During the night we must wait for the light. Similarly during the finest spiritual weather that we have, we must not say: I shall never be upset. Indeed, as the Wise Man says, in the days of happiness, we must be mindful of unhappiness (Sirach 11:25). We ought to hope in the midst of trials, and fear in the midst of prosperity; in either situation we must remain humble.
It is a very good remedy to make known our trouble to some spiritual friend who can comfort us.
Finally, to conclude this indispensable instruction which is so needed I note that, as in all things so also in this matter our good God and the devil have contrary aims. By these trials, God wants to lead us to a great purity of heart, a total renunciation of our self-interest from ourselves. But the devil strives to make use of these trials to lead us to discouragement and to make us go back to sensual pleasures. Finally, he tries to make us burdensome to ourselves and to others in order to discredit and defame holy devotion. But, if you follow the advice I have given you, you will increase greatly in perfection by the practice of virtue during these interior afflictions. Before I conclude this subject, I would like to say just one more word about these interior afflictions.
Sometimes these feelings of distaste, desolation and dryness arise from physical indisposition. Due to excess in staying awake to pray, in working and in fasting, we find ourselves overcome by weariness, drowsiness, heaviness and such infirmities. Though these depend on the body, yet they also do not cease to inconvenience the mind due to the very connection between them. On such occasions we must always remember to make several acts of virtue with the highest point of our spirit and the superior will. Although our whole soul may seem to be asleep and overcome by drowsiness and fatigue, yet the actions of our spirit are very pleasing to God. at such a time we can say with the sacred Spouse: I sleep, but my heart is awake (song 5:2). As I already said, if such works are distasteful to us they are, nevertheless, more meritorious and virtuous. On such occasions, the remedy is to refresh the body by some kind of suitable recreation and relaxation. St. Francis of Assisi made it a rule for his religious to work with such moderation as not to weigh down the fervour of the spirit.
This glorious Father was once afflicted and troubled by so deep a melancholy of spirit that he could not conceal it in his behaviour. If he wished to stay with his religious, he could not; if he withdrew fro them, he felt worse. Abstinence and bodily mortification weighed him down and prayer gave him no relief. This trial lasted for two years so that he seemed totally abandoned by God. at last, after he had humbly endured this violent storm, the Saviour restored to him his joyful tranquillity in a single moment. This shows that even the greatest servant of God are subject to these shocks. Hence, the least must not be surprised if sometimes they have such troubles.