CLARIFICATION OF WHAT HAS BEEN SAID REGARDING THE DEATH OF THE WILL
It is quite likely that the most holy Virgin, Our Lady, found such joy in carrying her child Jesus in her arms. Her happiness has made light of the weariness or at least made the weariness pleasant. If a branch of Agnus castus[1] [chaste lamb] can relieve travellers and refresh them, what a relief must the glorious Mother have received when she carried the Immaculate Lamb of God? (Jn 1:36). Although she sometimes let him walk with her on his own feet while she held him by the hand, it was not because she did not prefer to have him cling to her neck and her breast, but it was to teach him to form his steps to walk by himself. We ourselves, Theotimus, as little children of our heavenly Father, can walk with him in two ways: in the first way, we can walk with the steps of our own will. We conform our will to his, holding always with the hand of our obedience, the hand of his divine intention and following wherever it leads us. This is what God requires of us through his declared will. Since he wants that I do what he commands, he wants me to have the will to do it. God also commands me to keep holy the day of rest. Since he wishes me to do it, he also wishes that I wish to do it and follow his will by conforming and responding to it. In the second way we can also walk with Our Lord without having any will of our own. We simply let ourselves be carried by his permissive will, just as a little child is carried in the arms of his mother. There is a certain kind of wonderful consent which may be called the union or rather oneness of our own will with that of God’s. This is the way that we are to allow ourselves to be carried in the permissive will of God. The effects of this permissive will proceed purely from his providence. We do not cause them, but they happen to us. Of course we can will them to happen in accordance with God’s will, and that is a good thing. But we can also accept the events of his permissive will with a simply determined divine tranquillity of our will that does not will anything whatsoever. Our will simply accepts all that God wants to be done in us, for us and through us.
If one were to ask the beloved child Jesus, being carried in his Mother’s arms, where he was going, he might have just replied, “I am not going; it is my mother who goes for me." And if he was asked, “but at least are you not going with your mother?" Would he not be right in saying, “No, I don’t go, or if I go there where my mother carries me, I do not go with her by my own steps. But I go there by the steps of my mother, through her and in her without any act of my will for going or coming." If one had insisted, “but most divine child, at least you really will to let yourself be carried by your gentle mother?" “Not at all," he could say, “I do not wish any of these. Just as my very good mother is doing the walking for me, so is she doing the willing for me. I leave the cares to her both to go and to will to go on my behalf, wherever she likes best. Just as I walk only by means of her steps, so also I will only by means of her will. From the moment I find myself in her arms, I have no care either to will or not to will. I leave all other care to my mother, except only the care to be in her bosom. This is to feed at her breast, and hold myself to her most lovable neck, to kiss her lovingly with the kisses of my mouth (Song 1:1). As all I crave is to be in her arms, to be able to hug and kiss her."
You may know while I am in the midst of the delights of these holy caresses which surpass all sweetness, it seems to me that my mother is a tree of life. I am in her as its fruits, I am her own heart in the midst of her breast. I am her soul at the centre of her heart. Hence as she walks it is enough both for her and for me, without missing myself any step. Also her will is sufficient for her and for me. Also I do not take care if she goes fast or slow, if she goes to one side or the other. I do not ask at all where she wishes to go. But I am satisfied that wherever it may be, I am always within her arms, closely joined at her loving breast where I am fed as among the lilies (Song 2, 16: 6, 2).
O divine child of Mary, grant my little soul one outburst of love. “Go, dear child most lovable and most cherished little babe, or rather do not go, but remain clasped holily at the breast of your gentle mother. Go always in her and by her or with her, and never go without her as long as you are a child. O how blessed is the womb that bore you and the breast that gave you suck! (Lk 11:27).
The Saviour of our souls knew the use of reason from the moment he was conceived in his mother’s womb. He could have spoken all these words. Yes, even the glorious St. John, his forerunner, from the day of the holy visitation. Both of them, in the womb and during childhood, enjoyed their own freedom to wish or not to wish these things. Yet they left the care of their exterior conduct to their mothers, to wish and do for them what was necessary. Theotimus, we should be like that, always rendering ourselves flexible and docile to God’s permissive will as if we were wax. We should not waste our time wanting and doing things, but leave them to God to will and do them for us as it pleases him. As St Peter says, let us entrust to him the burden of all our anxiety, as he has concern for us (1Pet 5:7). Notice that St. Peter says, all our anxiety. In other words, not only our anxiety as to accepting the events but also that of willing or not willing them. He will have his concern for the success of our affairs and to will what is best for us.
Meanwhile, let us give ourselves ever lovingly to praising God for all that he does, saying after the example of Job: The Lord has given much to me, and the Lord had taken it away from me. Blessed be the name of the Lord (Job 1:21). No, Lord, I do not will any event, for I leave them entirely to you to decide what happens to me just as you wish. Instead of willing event, I will praise you because you have willed them. O Theotimus, what an excellent use of our will is this, when it gives up all care to will and choose the effects of God’s permissive will in order to praise and thank this permissive will for such effects.
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[1] TLG, Bk VIII: Ch.5