THE UNION OF OUR WILL WITH GOD’S PERMISSIVE WILL BY DISINTERESTED LOVE[1]
Resignation means that we prefer God’s will above all things. But it does not cease to love many other things besides the will of God. Now disinterestedness [indifference] is above resignation because we are lovingly attracted to a thing as we love only God’s will in it. So nothing else touches the indifferent person in the presence of God’s will. Certainly the heart which is most indifferent can be touched by some emotions while it has no clear idea in which direction the will of God lies. Eliezer, for instance, when he arrived at Haran’s fountain, saw the virgin Rebecca. He was quite aware that here was a maid most beautiful, and pleasing (Gen 4:16). However, he did remain indifferent until he knew by the sign God revealed to him that the divine will had prepared her for his master’s son. Only then he presented her with golden ear-rings and bracelets (Gen 24:16-22). Jacob, on the contrary, if he had loved Rachel only because of alliance with Laban, he would have loved Lea as much as Rachel. Marriage to either would have fulfilled his father Isaac’s wishes. Consequently, his father’s will would have been fulfilled in one as well as in the other. However, in addition to his father’s will, he wanted to satisfy his own particular liking. Since he had fallen in love with the beauty and gentleness of Rachel, he disliked being married to Lea and took her unwillingly with resignation.
The soul that is indifferent is not at all like that. Because it perceives the trials less beautiful as another Lea does not cease to be the daughter, the beloved daughter of God’s permissive will. Hence the soul has the same love for it as for consolation although the latter in itself is more pleasing. Rather it has greater love for trials because it finds in them nothing lovable except the sign of God’s will. If I want only pure water, what does it matter to me whether it is brought in a golden goblet or a plain glass? In either case I drink only the water. In fact, I will prefer it in the glass, because the glass has the same colour as water, which I can see much better. It does not matter whether God’s will is offered to me in misfortune or in consolation. In each of them I neither desire nor search anything except the divine will. God’s will is better seen because no other beauty is present there but that of God’s most holy, eternal permissive will.
Heroic, yes, more than heroic, is the disinterestedness of St. Paul who is beyond compare. I am har'd pressed between the two: my desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better: but to remain in the flesh is more necessary for you (Phil 1:23-24). The great bishop, St. Martin followed the apostle’s example. At the close of his life he longed to go home to God. But he indicated his willingness to continue the work entrusted for the good of his flock. It was as if he had sung this canticle:
How lovely is your dwelling place, O Lord of hosts! My soul longs, indeed it faints for the courts of the Lord; my heart and my flesh sing for joy to the living God (Ps 84:1-2).
However he went on to exclaim “nevertheless, O Lord, if I am still needed here for the salvation of souls, it is not for me to lay down the burden, your will be done’ (Mt 6:10). Admirable the indifference of the Apostle St. Paul, admirable that of the apostolic man! They see the heaven opened for them and also the thousand labours on earth. They are indifferent in the choice of either. Only God’s will could move their hearts. The joys of heaven appear no more pleasing than the miseries of this world, if the permissive will of God is found equal in both. For them the toils are heavenly if that is God’s will; whereas heaven would be wearisome if God’s will is not found in it. As David says, they desire nothing in heaven or on earth, except to see God’s will accomplished: O Lord, what else does heaven hold for me, but yourself for what do I desire upon earth except you? (Ps. 73:25).
The heart of a disinterested person is like a ball of wax in God’s hands, ready to receive equally all the impressions of his eternal will. It is a heart that knows no personal preference, equally prepared for anything, and its only aim is nothing but fulfilling the will of God. The soul does not place its love upon the things that God wants but upon the will of God that wants them. Hence when God’s will includes various things, the person chooses, at any cost, the one where God’s will is found to a greater extent. God’s permissive will is found both in marriage and virginity. Since God’s permissive will is more in virginity, the indifferent heart makes choice of virginity although this costs its life. It happened to St Thecla, the spiritual daughter of St Paul, to St Cecilia, to St Agatha, and to a thousand others. God’s will is to be found in the service of the poor and of the rich but a little more in serving the poor. The indifferent person would choose the service of the poor. God’s will is found in the practice of moderation amidst pleasures and patience in trials. The one who has no personal preference will do the latter because it contains more of God’s will.
To conclude, God’s permissive will is the supreme aim of the person who is indifferent. Wherever he sees it, he runs after it, allured by the fragrance of its perfumes (Song 1:3). Without the consideration of anything else it searches always for the place where there is more of it. The soul is led by God’s will (Ps 73:26), as by a very lovable cord. Wherever God’s will goes, the soul follows it. It would prefer hell with God’s will than heaven without it. All the same it prefers hell to heaven if it perceives only a little more of God’s permissive will in it than in heaven. Therefore to imagine something impossible if the soul knew that damnation would be a little more pleasing to God than salvation, it would forsake salvation and run after damnation.
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[1] For usage see also Pleiade p.1756, Notes on Ch 4, p.786